Milestone Birthday Cards (byJass Richards): 

Just turned 40?  You’re not old yet!  I know a guy twice your age who just ran a marathon! 

      ‘Course, it was the last thing he did.   
 
 

So you’re turning 50.  Boo hoo.

      You can still walk, can’t you? 
 
 

So you need glasses and you’re losing your hearing.

      There’s nothing good on tv anyway and today’s music sucks.

      Happy 60th! 
 
 

So you’re not interested in those sweet young things anymore.

      Just as well.  Those sweet young things aren’t interested in you anymore. 

      Happy 70th! 
 
 

So you don’t know where you are and you can’t remember your name.

      Used to have to pay good money to get that way. 

      Happy 80th! 
 
 

Yeah, yeah, all your friends are dead.

      You never like ‘em anyway.

      Happy 90th! 
 
 

Miscellaneous Cards (by Jass Richards): 
 

You light up my life.

      Like an oncoming train. 
 
 

I'm sorry we fought last night.

      I'm much more vicious during the day. 
 
 

Heard you were ill, injured, whatever –

      Can I borrow your car this weekend? 
 
 

Sorry to hear about your loss –

      But hey, people die. 
 
 

I did so remember your birthday

      I just can't remember your name     
 
 

A night like last night can only happen once

      I mean it – get lost. 
 
 

Sorry you're sick

      no, really –  
 
 

Sorry to hear about your loss

      But hey, people die.  
 
 

Sorry to hear about your car accident

      Thanks for increasing our GNP.