Speaking of creation, if God made everything, who made God?
If he just always was, then why couldn’t it be that everything else just always was?
And if he made himself, well, I guess that means he can go fuck himself!
It seems to me God’s a little obsessed with sex – so many stories in The Bible involve rape, incest, whoring, lust, coveting thy neighbour’s wife, deflowering virgins…
He’s also a little obsessed with food – what to eat, when to eat.
Guess that’s what happens when you’re non-corporeal.
So I was looking for a job, and everyone kept saying “You’re overqualified.”
Yeah, well, the jobs I’m qualified for are filled.
Pitch for a sci-fi movie: A plague kills all the women on Earth except five, who manage to escape infection. On these five depend the continuation of the human species.
And when the men find them, it takes all of fifteen minutes to rape them to death.
(A very short sci-fi movie.)
I read the other day about the new proposed crime, “negligent rape”, in which a man fails to notice a woman’s lack of consent.
Guys. How can you fail to notice “GET THE FUCK OFF ME!”?
It’s always pissed me off how men seem to make every little thing they do so important. They put on such a serious face. Even if they’re just tying their shoelaces.
Turns out I’ve been giving them way too much credit. They’re not conveying importance. They’re just concentrating really really hard.
“Y’know why women can’t play poker?” this guy asked me once.
“’Cuz they’re no good at bluffing.”
Well, I guess you’ve never had sex with a woman then, eh?
Who came up with the name ‘Viagra’?
I guess it’s supposed to sound like ‘Niagara’.
But it’s ‘Niagara Falls‘.
Better to have chosen ‘Geyser’.
‘Course that sounds too much like ‘Geezer’.
They should’ve just gone with ‘Hamburger Helper’.
Someone once told me that the virus is the only life form that requires a higher life form in order to replicate.
They obviously forgot about men.
The word ‘wife’ first referred to those women who were captured, after the invasion and conquest of a neighbouring tribe, and brought home to be slaves. ‘To have and to hold’ is in fact a legal expression used to transfer possession of a piece of property.
In Canada, one in four wives is severely […]
I saw a book the other day titled Sex Can Make You Stupid.
I laughed, but you know it’s true, isn’t it? Whenever I get really horny, I do stupid things. Really stupid things.
And then I thought, you know how men are always telling us they’ve got this perpetual hard-on? Well.
Many men express surprise and puzzlement upon hearing the words “I’m pregnant.”
Apparently they have yet to connect having sex with having babies.
Women, as a matter of routine, redden their lips, ornament their ears, push up their breasts, display their legs, and arch their feet.
Then they get pissed off if you see them as sex objects.
And they get really pissed off if you then tell they’re being irrational.
When AIDS became an epidemic, a certain company recalled the condoms not up to their new standards, claiming ‘a certain social responsibility’.
Apparently they were unaware that people had been using their condoms not only to prevent the transmission of disease, but also to prevent the transmission of sperm.
In our species, sexual desire seems to induce a state of temporary idiocy. Which is why it is not particularly encouraging that the male half of the species actually brags about being in a constant state of sexual readiness.
Many of us are too unimaginative–or too lazy–or both–to make our lives worthwhile. So we have kids. That’s our contribution to society. Genetic replications of our deficiency.
This inability to find fulfillment in the here and now is shared by those who set their sights instead on some heaven. No surprise, they’re the ones with […]
Men pride themselves on being objective, they champion the impersonal.
And yet they’ll do anything to win. To be, personally, number one.
Most men generally don’t think much of most women.
And yet, they continue to oppose their joining the military, where they could easily get killed.
We distinguish males from females. Before we do anything else. And before we do everything else. For example, ‘Mr. Smith’ really means ‘Penis-Person Smith’. The use of such sex-identifying prefixes is considered polite.
The use of ‘Penis-Person’ – or ‘Dickhead’ – is not. Apparently.
A contraceptive pill designed for men was rejected because of the negative side-effect of reducing their sex drive.
Given the reason for taking the pill, wouldn’t that have been a positive side-effect?