When an independent activist and her office-temp-with-a-doctorate buddy embark on a quest for a chocolate bar (a bar that serves not alcohol, but chocolate – in all its deliciously decadent forms), they pick up a hitchhiking extraterrestrial who’s stopped on Earth to ask for directions. (I know, right?) They do their damnedest to help ‘X’ find the information she needs to get back home, all the while confronting everyday sexism (rather like bashing your head against a jellyfish) and committing assorted outrageous acts and everyday rebellions …

A (way) off-the-beaten-path first contact story.

Magenta 2024 (previously published by Lacuna in 2018)

Available in various eformats (Kindle, Kobo, NookBook, iBook), but if you’d like an epub or pdf, you can download it right here! For free. (And here’s why.)

(If you’d like a paperback version, best to purchase it online–such as at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Chapters/Indigo, Book Depository, Bookshop–where you can get a deal on shipping.)

See also the companion book, Jane Smith’s Translation Dictionary of Everyday Lies, Insults, Manipulations, and Clueless CommentsAnd consider submitting entries of your own for future editions!  (The material is also on Tumblr, here and here.) 

ALSO, note that there is a screenplay version of this novel, “Two Women, Road Trip, Extraterrestrial” available!  Take a look here, and contact me if you’re interested.

“I found myself caught between wanting to sit and read [A Philosopher, a Psychologist, and an Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar] all in one go and wanting to spread it out. I haven’t laughed that hard and gotten to spend time with such unflinchingly tough ideas at the same time. That is too rare right now …  [And] the brilliance of the Alices!  …  I can now pull out your book every time somebody tries to claim that novels can’t have meaningful footnotes and references.  [Thanks too] for pointing me to the brilliant essay series “Dudes are Doomed.” I am eagerly watching for The ReGender App … ”   C. Osborne, moonspeaker.ca

“Excellent!” Sadbury, Smashwords 5/5

“Jass Richards is back with another exceptional book that entertains and informs as she mixes feminism, critical thinking, and current social issues with humour to produce a story about two 40-year-old women, Jane and Spike, who set out on a road trip from Toronto to Paris (!) in search of chocolate. (Chocoholics will love this story.) Along the way, they meet up with X, an extraterrestrial who has ‘merged’ with a black woman’s body. X has gotten lost in the solar system and needs to find the space/time coordinates of Earth so she can return to her planet. This changes the plan of Jane and Spike, and they head south to the U.S. looking for the answer from the institutes of higher learning.  If it sounds strange, it’s not, really. It gives Ms. Richards a backdrop for her sense of humour as the trio meet the type of stereotypical men that she loves to bash. She also spins out some great dialogues on pornography in society, male dominance of all sectors of society, ‘women’s fiction,’ and there’s even a hilarious wedding intervention.  Spike and Jane have fun explaining Earth and it’s ways to X, who, of course, comes from a more enlightened world.  Four stars for a fun and informative read.”  4/5 stars, James M. Fisher, goodreads

“A lovely read! I enjoyed Jane and Spike’s conversations immensely!” TervenRainbows, Ovarit