Jane Smith’s Translation Dictionary

Jane Smith’s Translation Dictionary

of

Everyday Lies, Insults, Manipulations, and Clueless Comments

Jane Smith is a character in A Philosopher, A Psychologist, and An Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar. And she started this. Everyone else is supposed to finish it. Well, add to it. (It’s unlikely it’ll ever be finished.)

Bitch!

1. Waa-aa-ah!

Case closed.

1. I’m losing.

Don’t be so judgmental!

1. Don’t judge me, just let me get away with—everything.

Don’t be so sensitive!

1. I want to believe that my actions have no effect whatsoever on anyone.
2. Don’t reveal by comparison what a dull-headed emotionally-challenged thug I am.

Don’t do anything stupid.

1. Don’t do anything to change the status quo. Because I am benefiting from the status quo.

Don’t talk to me like that!

1. Waa-aa-ah!

I have a right to …

1. I want to …

We were just having fun.

1. We didn’t think it through.
2. We don’t want to be held responsible for it.

What do you want me to say?

1. What lie will work here?

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