And here’s something else that would never happen to a man…
Jane Smith is a character in A Philosopher, A Psychologist, and An Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar. And she started this. Everyone else is supposed to finish it. Well, add to it. (It’s unlikely it’ll ever be finished.)
When one of my neighbours developed […]
Jane Smith’s Translation Dictionary of Everyday Lies, Insults, Manipulations, and Clueless Comments
Jane Smith is a character in A Philosopher, A Psychologist, and An Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar. And she started this. Everyone else is supposed to finish it. Well, add to it. (It’s unlikely it’ll ever be finished.)
Bitch!
Waa-aa-ah!
Case closed.
[…]
Men who think size matters are usually – fat.
On a regular basis, men enter a ring and punch each other repeatedly in the head.
This causes brain damage.
Well, more brain damage.
Critics are reminded that the participants are consenting adults.
That’s the part we don’t get.
I applaud the idea of god as a woman.
It’s a sure-fire way to make “him” non-existent.
Or at least totally inconsequential.
Don’t leafblowers make an awful noise? It’s such an irritating whine.
You know why, dontcha? Because they were made for men – by men.
That’s probably why the damned things don’t even really clean up the leaves, they just move the mess from one place to another.
So I was looking for a job, and everyone kept saying “You’re overqualified.”
Yeah, well, the jobs I’m qualified for are filled.
By men.
Pitch for a sci-fi movie: A plague kills all the women on Earth except five, who manage to escape infection. On these five depend the continuation of the human species.
And when the men find them, it takes all of fifteen minutes to rape them to death.
(A very short sci-fi movie.)
One of the biggest problems facing humanity today is how to get rid of the men. I have the solution. We turn them into women.
Most of them will then kill themselves, unable to deal with their new subordinate status.
I read the other day about the new proposed crime, “negligent rape”, in which a man fails to notice a woman’s lack of consent.
Guys. How can you fail to notice “GET THE FUCK OFF ME!”?
It’s always pissed me off how men seem to make every little thing they do so important. They put on such a serious face. Even if they’re just tying their shoelaces.
Turns out I’ve been giving them way too much credit. They’re not conveying importance. They’re just concentrating really really hard.
“Y’know why women can’t play poker?” this guy asked me once.
“’Cuz they’re no good at bluffing.”
Well, I guess you’ve never had sex with a woman then, eh?
All those women in tv ads that are so happy that their eyelashes can now be ultra-curled, ultra-lengthened, and ultra-thickened — if my eyes were that vacant, I sure wouldn’t want to draw attention to them.
No wait a minute. If I were that vacant — I guess I would.
At every age over fifteen, more women than men receive treatment for mental health problems.
Scarey, eh? All those men walking around out there – untreated.
Someone once told me that the virus is the only life form that requires a higher life form in order to replicate.
They obviously forgot about men.
The word ‘wife’ first referred to those women who were captured, after the invasion and conquest of a neighbouring tribe, and brought home to be slaves. ‘To have and to hold’ is in fact a legal expression used to transfer possession of a piece of property.
In Canada, one in four wives is severely […]
So deer season was a couple weeks ago. I saw some guy standing in the bush a few metres off the road, waiting, rifle ready.
“You’re not gonna kill the mom and two little fawns we see around here, are you?” I asked.
“Oh, we’ll try not to!” he smiled.
What’s to try? Unload the […]
Each year, 100 men kill their female partners, but only 3 women kill their male partners.
I figure hey – there’s a market potential for assertiveness training seminars.
Why is Aunt Jemima a maid and Uncle Ben a chef?
And Mr. Clean – yeah right.
Women, don’t you just hate having PMS? Being all irritable and angry for a few days each month.
But hey, at least we’re not men.
They have PMS all month long.
It’s called testosterone.
The guy on the freeway leaning on his horn and slamming into you? That’s not road rage, that’s a man with […]
I saw a book the other day titled Sex Can Make You Stupid.
I laughed, but you know it’s true, isn’t it? Whenever I get really horny, I do stupid things. Really stupid things.
And then I thought, you know how men are always telling us they’ve got this perpetual hard-on? Well.
You know how some men used to jingle coins in their pocket?
“Look at me! I’m rich! I have a bunch of nickels and dimes in my pocket!”
And then it became cool to carry around a lot of jangling keys.
“Look at me! I’m important! I can open lots of doors!”
Now, […]
Many men express surprise and puzzlement upon hearing the words “I’m pregnant.”
Apparently they have yet to connect having sex with having babies.
The team of genetic researchers that successfully cloned a sheep from a single adult cell named the sheep “Dolly”, after a certain large-breasted country singer, because the cell had come from a mammary gland.
Grown men, brilliant men, men on the cutting edge of science, men who become headline news, are quite likely still […]
I don’t do Christmas.
As Zoe Fairburns points out, “The birth of a male who thinks he’s god isn’t such a rare event.”
The economic system used for decision-making by the United Nations, the World Bank, the International Monetary Fund, and national governments considers only cash-generating activities to be productive.
So Tendai, who lives in Zimbabwe and spends eighteen hours a day providing food, clothing, and shelter for herself and her children, is unproductive.
But […]
Women, as a matter of routine, redden their lips, ornament their ears, push up their breasts, display their legs, and arch their feet.
Then they get pissed off if you see them as sex objects.
And they get really pissed off if you then tell they’re being irrational.
When AIDS became an epidemic, a certain company recalled the condoms not up to their new standards, claiming ‘a certain social responsibility’.
Apparently they were unaware that people had been using their condoms not only to prevent the transmission of disease, but also to prevent the transmission of sperm.
Being male is very much about being in control.
One has to wonder, therefore, why they hang their entire ‘manhood’ on some one thing over which they biologically have no voluntary control whatsoever.
(And they say they’re the logical ones.)
In Saudi Arabia, a woman must be accompanied by a man whenever she appears in public; otherwise, she is subject to torture.
Otherwise?
