So I was talking to some non-practising Catholics the other day.
Told them I was a non-practising saint.
Speaking of which, the Pope says that if a man with HIV can’t abstain from intercourse, it’s better that he infect his wife than use a condom.
And I say that if a woman with PMS can’t resist a rage, it’s better that she gun down the Pope than take a Midol.
It seems to me God’s a little obsessed with sex – so many stories in The Bible involve rape, incest, whoring, lust, coveting thy neighbour’s wife, deflowering virgins…
He’s also a little obsessed with food – what to eat, when to eat.
Guess that’s what happens when you’re non-corporeal.
Ye are saved through grace, not works. (Eph 2:8,9) By works a man is justified. (Jas 2:24)
I am a jealous God visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generations. (Ex 20:5) The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father. (Ezek 18:20)
Peace I […]
I used to be pissed because none of Christ’s disciples were women.
Then I realized what a sorry lot of gullible schmucks they were, traipsing along after a total stranger, leaving at a moment’s notice their families, their jobs – “Hey, come follow me! I’m a god! No, really! Look – there, that bush […]
Why did God forbid knowledge of good and evil?
Could it be he didn’t want us to know what an evil messed up sonuvabitch he was?
(Given that he proceeded to order mass murders left, right, and center – the Hittites, the Girgashites, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, the Jebusites, […]
According to The Bible (2 Sam 23:8,18; 1 Chr 11:11), some guy named Adino killed 800 men in a single battle, and Abishai and Jashobeam each killed 300.
Who were these guys? Even if that single battle lasted a full 24 hours, that’s at least 12 killed per hour. Which is one every five […]
Chapter 28 of Deuteronomy says that if we don’t hearken unto God’s voice, he’s going to smite us with consumption, fever, inflammation, burning, hemorrhoids, the scab, the itch, and the botch of Egypt.
Oh no! The botch of Egypt!
Catholics believe in the doctrine of ‘original sin’: just by being born, we bring sin into the world.
So shouldn’t they approve of abortion?
Their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up. (Hos 13:16)
Dash their children, and rip up their women with child. (2 Kgs 8:12).
Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones. (Ps 137:9)
They shall have no pity on the fruit […]
According to Biblical accounts, God’s commanded the deaths of 185,000 Assyrians, 120,000 Midianites, 120,000 Judeans, 100,000 Syrians, 24,000 Israelites, and 10,000 Moabites.
Now, he’s obviously rounding off to the nearest thousand, and I have to tell you, that lack of attention to detail bothers me.
The Bible continues to appear on bestseller lists even though the plot is repetitious, the characters are unlikeable, the dialogue, unrealistic, and the tone, juvenile.
And much of it just fucking doesn’t make sense: “Wherefore my sentence is, that we trouble not them, which from among the Gentiles are turned to God” (Acts 15:19). […]
Some people believe that when we die, we’re reincarnated.
But if that were true, the human population shouldn’t be increasing.
Unless there’s been a lot of pigs and cows who’ve been promoted – actually, I think I know some of them.
President Bush kept talking about his “personal relationship with Jesus.”
Which is odd, because the last time I talked to Jesus, he said he didn’t know him.
I don’t think they should give driver’s licences to people who believe in life after death.
Most people figure either God exists or he doesn’t. There are other possibilities.
Maybe he used to exist, but he doesn’t anymore. Maybe he got run over by a truck.
Many of us are too unimaginative–or too lazy–or both–to make our lives worthwhile. So we have kids. That’s our contribution to society. Genetic replications of our deficiency.
This inability to find fulfillment in the here and now is shared by those who set their sights instead on some heaven. No surprise, they’re the ones with […]