On a regular basis, men enter a ring and punch each other repeatedly in the head.
This causes brain damage.
Well, more brain damage.
Critics are reminded that the participants are consenting adults.
That’s the part we don’t get.
So deer season was a couple weeks ago. I saw some guy standing in the bush a few metres off the road, waiting, rifle ready.
“You’re not gonna kill the mom and two little fawns we see around here, are you?” I asked.
“Oh, we’ll try not to!” he smiled.
What’s to try? Unload the […]
Now that the Olympics are over, I’d like to point out that there are several sports in which we haven’t yet reached our full potential.
In water polo, as in regular polo, there should be horses involved.
In the sculls, they should narrow the lanes and let the competitors whack their opponents out of […]
It occurs to me that there are a few sports we just haven’t named very well.
Squash is not played with a squash.
There are no fences in fencing, no rugs in rugby.
And ‘the butterfly’ – have you ever seen what happens to a butterfly in water?
And you know, I don’t think the Olympic marathoners are all that impressive. You’ll notice that most of them are done in two, two-and-a-half hours.
I’ve run a marathon and I can tell you for a fact that I can keep going for another two hours. At least.
Have you noticed that the distance running events are almost always won by someone from Kenya, Ethiopia, or some other starving country?
See what you can do when all you’ve got to carry around is skin-and-bones?
Did you know they once tried a men’s synchronized swimming team?
One guy got pissed off at another guy, and then another guy got involved, next thing you know, half the team’s dead in the water.
Guess they couldn’t handle that hold-hands-and-coordinate thing.
You know how there are different weight classes in wrestling?
I think other sports should do that too.
For example, in the high jump, there should be a separate competitive class for short people.
I don’t really understand weight lifting.
People lift heavy stuff.
They don’t take it anywhere.
They don’t do anything with it.
They just pick it up — and then put it back down.
Know why it took a hundred years for there to be a women’s triple jump?
Because hopscotch isn’t really a challenge for us anymore.
Know what event I’d like to see?
Men’s double-dutch.
And she can do it with a tennis ball in her mouth.
So Usain Bolt won the hundred in 9.63 seconds.
My dog can do better than that.
And she’s only six years old.
‘Course, she’s black too.
I heard one athlete emphasize the need to stay focused and keep his objective in mind.
How hard can that be for a sprinter?
How many swimmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Don’t know yet. They keep getting electrocuted.
Olympic athletes are especially driven.
Imagine spending years trying to throw a really heavy ball a few centimetres further than the next guy.
Now there’s a candidate for the Lifetime Achievement Award.
Most athletes are driven by the desire to win.
Not to win anything in particular, anything of significance, just – to win.
Have you noticed that more and more athletes are saying a quick prayer at the starting line?
A clear admission that you can’t possibly win without divine intervention, yeah, that’ll really psych out your opponents.
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