Should we fund a mission to Mars?
Sure. Give us a bit of time and we can make that planet uninhabitable too.
Anti-gun law advocate and pastor of the New Life Christian Fellowship, Herbert Kershaw, accidentally shot himself to death while demonstrating gun safety to his family.
[And I just now realized the second way in which that’s funny.]
Or maybe he just changes his mind a lot.
Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; no, wait, ye shall not eat of them that chew the cud or of them that divide the cloven hoof. (Gen 9:3; Deut 14:7)
People who need people are – codependent.
Pitch for a sci-fi movie: A plague kills all the women on Earth except five, who manage to escape infection. On these five depend the continuation of the human species.
And when the men find them, it takes all of fifteen minutes to rape them to death.
(A very short sci-fi movie.)
What’s scary about the development of intelligent computers or biochemical roots is not that they might some day pass whatever test we come up with to determine if they meet the criteria for being a conscious human being.
What’s scary is that on that day, a good number of the rest of us might not.
Research continues to show that the older you get, the less likely you are to get married.
Well yeah. Because the older you get, the less likely you are to be deluded.
It’s always pissed me off how men seem to make every little thing they do so important. They put on such a serious face. Even if they’re just tying their shoelaces.
Turns out I’ve been giving them way too much credit. They’re not conveying importance. They’re just concentrating really really hard.
The companies putting CFCs into the atmosphere, wrecking the ozone, and giving us all skin cancer?
Serve us right if they were all owned by rich black people.
The word ‘wife’ first referred to those women who were captured, after the invasion and conquest of a neighbouring tribe, and brought home to be slaves. ‘To have and to hold’ is in fact a legal expression used to transfer possession of a piece of property.
In Canada, one in four wives is severely […]
That ‘don’t-ask-don’t-tell’ thing the military has going?
How can they face the enemy if they can’t even face homosexuality?
So my Christmas gift for my nephew was apparently “inappropriate”.
Explain to me why toy guns are okay, but toy thumbscrews are considered sick?
Have you heard –- armies use radioactive bullets.
Guess when you get hit, you glow in the dark.
So much for that brand new camouflage outfit.
Each year, 100 men kill their female partners, but only 3 women kill their male partners.
I figure hey – there’s a market potential for assertiveness training seminars.
How do you turn a rainforest into a desert?
Eat a hamburger.
What’s another word for unannounced nuclear test?
Accident.
Did you know there’s an international law that says you can’t use weapons that cause “unnecessary suffering”?
Blowing your right leg off, that was necessary.
But the left leg, gee, I’m sorry about that, that was unnecessary, wasn’t it.
I was reading the other day about this guy, Daniel Maston, an assistant operator at the Point Lepreau Nuclear Generating Station. He was sentenced to four months for spiking the cafeteria’s juice cooler with tritiated heavy water from the reactor.
Apparently he said –- and I quote –- “I don’t have a good reason. […]
They say God works in mysterious ways.
Why is that again?
As a species, we are so in love with ourselves, aren’t we? Almost every painting and certainly every sculpture I saw featured human subjects.
I saw a few horses, a rabbit or two, and an antelope. But they were usually dead.
Or dying a very horrible death.
‘Course it could just be that […]
Half the world’s population is under twenty-five. The ones who aren’t undernourished are crack babies or fetal alcohol syndrome babies or AIDS babies or babies who for no good reason reached adolescence and graduated from high school but can’t spell ‘graduated’.
Makes you want to go right out and buy one of those ‘Children are […]
A site chosen for a nuclear power plant is two miles from an active fault line, and the blueprints for the reactors got mixed up, so the earthquake fault supports were installed backwards.
Oh yeah-–we’re definitely ready for that anti-matter stuff.
Many men express surprise and puzzlement upon hearing the words “I’m pregnant.”
Apparently they have yet to connect having sex with having babies.
There have been over 2000 tests of nuclear weapons since World War II. You’d think we’d get it right after, say, the first couple hundred.
And we haven’t figured out yet what to do with the leftover stuff. We have enough radioactive waste to contaminate all of the Earth’s lakes and rivers – twice. […]
The team of genetic researchers that successfully cloned a sheep from a single adult cell named the sheep “Dolly”, after a certain large-breasted country singer, because the cell had come from a mammary gland.
Grown men, brilliant men, men on the cutting edge of science, men who become headline news, are quite likely still […]
In the spring of 1991, Fred Turner set out from Beaufort, South Carolina, to walk across America in order to prove that most people are good.
He got as far as the state line before he was robbed and pushed off a bridge.
Another reason we’re too stupid to visit…
We make toy guns, encouraging our kids to play at killing each other.
The Training Center for Subversive Warfare teaches that “Torture must be kept clean, it must not be carried out in the presence of those with sadistic tendencies, it must be carried out by some responsible person, and above all, it must be humane.”
Otherwise, it would be, what, wrong?
The economic system used for decision-making by the United Nations, the World Bank, the International Monetary Fund, and national governments considers only cash-generating activities to be productive.
So Tendai, who lives in Zimbabwe and spends eighteen hours a day providing food, clothing, and shelter for herself and her children, is unproductive.
But […]
Lieutenant General Daniel Graham once said ‘If a one megaton bomb was about to explode over this building and you had the good sense to start walking and get behind a lilac bush, that bomb would not hurt you.’
He was later chosen to be the Senior Military Advisor to the President.
Women, as a matter of routine, redden their lips, ornament their ears, push up their breasts, display their legs, and arch their feet.
Then they get pissed off if you see them as sex objects.
And they get really pissed off if you then tell they’re being irrational.
When AIDS became an epidemic, a certain company recalled the condoms not up to their new standards, claiming ‘a certain social responsibility’.
Apparently they were unaware that people had been using their condoms not only to prevent the transmission of disease, but also to prevent the transmission of sperm.
In our species, sexual desire seems to induce a state of temporary idiocy. Which is why it is not particularly encouraging that the male half of the species actually brags about being in a constant state of sexual readiness.
The U.S. continues to puzzle over the persistence of racism.
It also continues to call the official residence of the President “The White House.”
Some of our best and brightest philosophers have spent years trying to convince us that time doesn’t exist.
A sign on a community bulletin board saying “Learn to read English–Classes held Monday nights!” was posted by the Board of Education.
The Annual Turing Test Competition is an event in which a panel of experts asks questions from a remote location of a bunch of computers and a bunch of people. If they can’t tell that a computer is a computer, it passes the Turing Test – it is deemed able to think.
In a recent […]
A worker, no doubt somebody’s kid, accidentally dropped a socket wrench down a silo – it hit a missile causing an explosion that launched a nine megaton hydrogen bomb into a field several hundred yards away. Oops.
Because of naval mishaps, there are now nine nuclear reactors and fifty nuclear warheads on the ocean floor. […]
Many of us are too unimaginative–or too lazy–or both–to make our lives worthwhile. So we have kids. That’s our contribution to society. Genetic replications of our deficiency.
This inability to find fulfillment in the here and now is shared by those who set their sights instead on some heaven. No surprise, they’re the ones with […]
In a recent experiment involving monkeys, 13% pulled a chain electroshocking an unrelated monkey whose agony was in plain view. In a similar experiment conducted with humans, 65% administered the shock, to the point of fatality.
Much to do was subsequently made about the ethics – of the experimenters.
We came up with the concept of ‘garbage’: stuff we don’t want here – so we put it there. All gone!
A while ago, McMaster University initiated a research project to study the health effects of war.
Perhaps some genius hypothesized that it causes death.
Two bombs in a building were set to go off an hour apart, and the Mayor of the City said, “The second bomb was clearly designed to hurt the rescue workers coming to assist, so we’re dealing with a warped mind here.”
Um, wouldn’t the first bomb kind of establish that?
It costs more than $115,000 to create a job in crude oil production. It costs only $20,000 to create a job in solar energy production. We have an unemployment problem. We have an energy problem.
And we have a math problem.
Over half of our planet’s scientists and engineers work for the military.
The other half work for Pizza Pizza. <br/><br/>
Men pride themselves on being objective, they champion the impersonal.
And yet they’ll do anything to win. To be, personally, number one.
Most men generally don’t think much of most women.
And yet, they continue to oppose their joining the military, where they could easily get killed.
We distinguish males from females. Before we do anything else. And before we do everything else. For example, ‘Mr. Smith’ really means ‘Penis-Person Smith’. The use of such sex-identifying prefixes is considered polite.
The use of ‘Penis-Person’ – or ‘Dickhead’ – is not. Apparently.
We’re still trying to get our whites whiter.
We sentenced Socrates to death and let a number of serial killers live.
We put tons of carcinogens into our food, water, and air.
And then spend millions of dollars looking for the cure for cancer.
Oh where oh where could it be.
If the history of the Earth were a year, life would not appear until March, multi-cellular organisms not until November. Dinosaurs would show up on December 13, and mammals on December 15. On December 31, we’d show up. By late evening, we’d have well-developed brains.
And then it’d take us 60 seconds to thoroughly trash […]
Are there intelligent life forms out there in the universe?
Well yeah. No one’s visited us yet.
